Strawberry Skulduggery
by happylandfill
Summary: Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for... A skeleton? Oneshot about a certain skeleton's Christmas.


**HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!**

**(PS: i did originally have links to the photos of the stuff mentioned in here... but it didn't work, so yeah D:)  
**

* * *

"Time?"

"23:34."

It was 26 minutes to midnight – Christmas Day. Valkyrie Cain and Tanith Low were in the kitchen, making last-minute additions to their massive pile of Christmas cookies, gingerbread men, mince pies and trying to brew up some home-made Bailey's. Skulduggery was meditating in the living room and Ghastly was annihilating Nazi zombies on the Xbox.

"Plenty of time, then," Valkyrie said, sprinkling icing sugar over the top of mince pies.

"Time for what?" Tanith halted her icing-sugar-sprinkling and looked up at Valkyrie, who pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it.

"It's a 'Diagram of the Human Skeletal and Muscular System'." Tanith said inquisitively.

"It is," Valkyrie said, grinning.

"Those muscles look like strawberry laces," Tanith said, laughing. "We've got some strawberry laces in the end cupboard," Tanith reached behind her and grabbed a couple of packets of strawberry laces.

"And what else do we have that this picture displays?" Valkyrie said, hinting.

Tanith looked up at Valkyrie through her eyelashes. "We have a skeleton in the living room." The two girls laughed manically.

* * *

"Are you sure he's meditating? Completely out cold?" Tanith said as she grabbed Skulduggery's underarms and attempted to heave him into the kitchen.

"Definitely sure. It takes a lot to wake him up from meditation," Valkyrie said, grabbing his legs.

They dragged him into the kitchen and set him on the floor, and Tanith ripped open a bag of strawberry laces while Valkyrie rummaged through the kitchen drawers for some superglue.

"Right, so what do we do first?" Valkyrie asked, squeezing out far too much superglue as a tester.

"Well, Skul's a man of decency so he's got boxers and a vest on underneath his suit, so we take his suit off first and then superglue strawberry laces to him," Tanith said, reaching down to unbutton his shirt. "It's not like he has anything to cover up, though, he _is_ just bone..."

"What _are _you doing?" They looked up, and Ghastly was leaning in the doorway. It must have been quite a sight – two girls undressing an unmoving skeleton.

"Shh!" Tanith said, hitting Ghastly's leg. "We're dressing him up," Valkyrie giggled and passed Ghastly the diagram.

"Ah. I'll leave you to it then," He nodded, and walked back to the games room.

* * *

Tanith and Valkyrie stepped back to admire their creation.

"I think this is the best trick we've played on him so far, Val," Tanith said, grinning proudly. She leant forward and ripped a strawberry lace off his femur. "Is he seriously still meditating?"

"Yeah, he'll probably be out of it soon so you might want to go and get the old camera to take a photo of his face when he wakes up,"

"Will do," Tanith tossed another strawberry lace into her mouth and ran off to find Gordon's old Olympus camera.

Tanith came running back a few minutes later, 1970's Manual Olympus OM1 in hand and flicked the film advance switch, ready to take a photo.

"Wait, does it have any film?" Valkyrie asked, peering at the confusing dials and buttons on the top of the camera.

"I hope so," She checked the film meter. "It's on 20, we've got loads left,"

"Good."

They stood in silence for a good four minutes before Skulduggery stirred, and woke up, confused.

"Valkyrie..." He said quietly. She didn't say anything. "Valkyrie!" She pretended to make running noises.

"What is it, dear Skulduggery?" She said in a mocking tone.

"I don't appear to be able to see." He said, reaching up to his eye socket and pulling out a gobstopper. "Oh. There's a gobstopper in my eye." He stood up, confused, and walked into the hall to find the full length mirror, and Valkyrie and Tanith followed, laughing.

He looked at his reflection, and his reflection looked at him.

Skulduggery was covered head to toe in strawberry laces laid out in delicate little lines; he had two gobstoppers in his eye sockets, Jelly Lips sweets for a mouth, and the top of a pineapple glued to his head for hair. He was standing in the hallway in just a pair of boxers.

"Did you do this?" He asked in a furious but amused tone. They shook their heads, and as he opened his mouth to shout, Tanith whipped out the camera and took a photo of him.

"Priceless," She laughed. Skulduggery glared at her with his gobstopper-eyeball.

They heard someone come down the stairs, and they looked up to see Ghastly staring at Skulduggery. He tossed him his hat, and Skulduggery flipped it onto his head.

"Thank you. At least I can stand here in my boxer shorts, wrapped up in strawberry laces, and still maintain my dignity."

"Yes, you can, Skul. You really can." Tanith nodded, trying not to laugh. He slumped unhappily, and Valkyrie stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around him.

"Happy Christmas, Skul," She said, biting a chunk out of his shoulder.


End file.
